• Bulletins & Schedules
  • Leadership Resources
  • Missions
    • Belize Trip – 2017
  • Archived Sermons
    • Facebook
    • Vimeo

Church of the Resurrection, Anglican Church

Anglican Parish of the Nerepis & St. John

  • Home
  • About
    • FAQ’s
    • Staff
    • Our Beliefs, Mission, & Values
    • Our History
      • History of Church of the Resurrection
      • History of St. Paul’s
      • History of St. Peter’s
  • Get Connected
    • Kids Ministry
    • Youth Group
    • Adult LIFE Groups
  • Serve
    • Music
    • Alter Guild
    • ACW – Anglican Church Women
    • Care Connection
    • Community Outreach
  • REZ NEWS
  • Latest Sermons
  • Contact

3 Steps to a Complete Apology

April 2, 2014 By Rev. Michael Caines

I have to ask for forgiveness a lot. I’m one of those people who finds themselves in trouble from time to time. I make mistakes. I get ahead of myself… and others. You know how it is.

Have you ever had someone trying to apologize to you say something like, “I’m sorry for doing _________ ” and the next thing they say is, “… but if you hadn’t of done ______ than I wouldn’t have gotten upset.” The apology is ruined by the immediate justification for what they just did. This is just one of many ways to short-change an adequate apology.

Thanks to one of my professors, I have an excellent method of apologizing because it is important to apologize well.

3 R’s: Responsible, Regret, Resolve.

Responsible

Begin by stating what you were responsible for. You can’t apologize for something that wasn’t your fault or you had no control over. However, you can begin by stating what you knew you were responsible to accomplish. Let’s say for example that it was your job to take out the recycling by Friday. It’s now Sunday and that overflowing heap of bags, bottles, and boxes is still simmering. BEGIN BY OWNING WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO: “I said that I would responsible for taking out the recycling by Friday.” Stop.

Regret

Here is where you continue by saying what you are sorry for. What didn’t happen that was supposed to happen? Or what happened that was not supposed to happen? Be clear and concise. “I’m sorry for the stuff I didn’t do.” may come across as a little vague and possibly insincere. To continue with our recycling example: “I’m sorry, and I regret that I didn’t take out the recycling by Friday when I said I would.” Stop.

Resolve

The proof of a sincere apology is in the reformed future behavior. Saying, “I’m sorry.” is good. Clearly stating what you intend to do differently in the future is powerful. It gets the best practice out in the open. You hear it. The offended person hears you say sit.

You let yourself be held accountable to the one you just hurt. No big, long soliloquies necessary. Again, to use our recycling example: “From here on I am going to make sure that I get the recycling done by the time I say I will.” Stop.

To put the recycling apology all together:

“I said that I would be responsible for taking out the recycling by Friday. I’m sorry, and I regret that I didn’t take out the recycling by Friday when I said I would. From here on, I am going to make sure that I get the recycling done by the time I say I will.”

From here the ball is in their court. They can forgive. They can take their time. You have apologized. If you find yourself trying to apologize outside the umbrella of “I was Responsible…, I Regret…, I Resolve to…” you may want to start again.

  • About the Author
  • Latest Posts
  • Contact

Rev. Michael Caines

I live to answer the question: “So how did you go from civil engineering to becoming a priest??” I have been here since 2008 when I arrived as the assistant. Since 2012 I have been leading the church as the Priest-in-Charge, and now as the full-time Lead Pastor. I grew up in Sussex, N.B. and then studied Civil Engineering at UNB Fredericton. After a brief period in youth ministry my wife and I moved to Uganda to teach and work at an Anglican Secondary School. After that, I studied at Wycliffe College in Toronto, ON and was ordained in 2008. I served with the Naval Reserve for a number of years but now as the Chaplain for 3 Field Artillery Regiment in Saint John and Woodstock, N.B. I love the outdoors and in my down time I enjoy running, sailing and playing music, but most importantly, time with my family.

  • Mid-Summer Parish Update - June 23, 2021
  • The COVID One-Year Anniversary Edition - March 12, 2021
  • Soccer, Sailing and Surrender… - February 25, 2021
  • Stairway to Heaven or Us? - February 16, 2021
  • Dispersed to Go Deep? - February 9, 2021
  • Johnny Cash and Progressive Miracles - February 2, 2021
View All Posts

All message sent through this contact form will go directly to Rev. Michael Caines

    «
    »

    Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: apology, reconciliation, regrets, relational hygiene, saying sorry

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    Service Times

    Church of the Resurrection 
    Traditional 9:00am
    Contempory 10:30am

    St.Paul’s Oak Point – 10:00am

    What can we help you find?

    • Facebook
    • Vimeo

    Recent Blog Posts

    Mid-Summer Parish Update

    June 23, 2021 By Rev. Michael Caines

    The COVID One-Year Anniversary Edition

    March 12, 2021 By Rev. Michael Caines

    Soccer, Sailing and Surrender…

    February 25, 2021 By Rev. Michael Caines

    Stairway to Heaven or Us?

    February 16, 2021 By Rev. Michael Caines

    Blog Categories

    Contact & Location

    PHONE: (506) 738-3474
    EMAIL: therezadm@gmail.com
    ADDRESS:
    20 Macdonald Ave
    Grand Bay-Westfield, NB
    E5K0B3

    Anglican Church of Canada

    The Parish of the Nerepis & Saint John is located in New Brunswick, Canada, and is a member of The Anglican Diocese of Fredericton, and The Anglican Church of Canada.

    Copyright © 2023 · Church of the Resurrection · Site Design by DejaPeterson.com